Why We Joke That Jeff Is a Racist | Interracial Love, Culture Shock & Starting Over in Mexico

I met this guy who took me to a coffee shop, and I was like, this guy is so cheap. Our first date was a coffee shop. He was giving me these weird phone calls at like 3 AM, like nonstop. And you're not Batman? No, he's not Batman. Again, he doesn't like to share. I probably could. I'm like the Unibomber. I just don't live in the woods, and I'm not as smart as to. Okay, welcome to the second episode of This Might Be a Bad Idea. Of love, life, and questionable decisions on our move to Mexico. Again, I'm Erica. And I'm Jeff. So I think today we were talking about you're a racist, right? No, I think we were going to mention something like that, but I personally don't think I'm a racist, no. So let's back up. Let's talk about how we met. Okay. So we met on an app that I'm not going to speak of the name because technically they don't pay me. And us being married, meeting off the tip of the app is very, very valuable. So anyway, but yes, we did meet on the app and our first date was a coffee shop. Again, I'm not going to say what coffee shop it is because No, technically I paid for my coffee when I was there. Starbucks. Okay, it was Starbucks. Yeah. And we did have our first date there. It was a great date. It only cost around $2.50 per coffee. But we got to know each other. And, you know, the end result is we wanted to see each other again. Well, at least you wanted to see me again. And that was a little surprising. You were funny. Okay. And we talked for like four hours. It was October 27th. I don't know if you remember that. No. But I do remember that because it's the day my brother died two years later. Oh, I see. Okay. So it will always be stuck in my brain. Okay. And I thought about canceling. It was pouring down raining. It was raining. And I was like, yeah, I don't want to go. And I noticed that you were upset at that point. Of course I didn't know. We didn't know me. So I decided to show up anyway and, you know, met this guy who took me to a coffee shop and I was like, this guy is so cheap. Um, but we talked for four hours and these uncomfortable chairs and Starbucks. And then, um, by the time the day ended, it stopped raining. It was nice outside. And I feel like my brother was like giving this stamp of approval. I don't know. It was, you know, it was a bad day. It was like horrible. And I don't like to drive in the rain in the first place or leave my house when it's raining. Um, but you know, he didn't even kiss me. He was very polite. He, um, hugged me and sent me on my way home. And then we scheduled a second date right from that date. And, uh, it kind of went off from there and I swiped right, um, to someone I wouldn't normally swipe right to. But I was intrigued and I was like, I'm getting off the site anyway. I don't care. These people suck and he was my last swipe right. I'm sure what everyone thinks when they use those dating sites but it did work and we did find each other. And that was surprising, but it's possible. It's possible. And then, so we had been together for, I don't know, maybe a couple weeks at this point. And he was giving me these weird phone calls at like 3 a.m., like nonstop. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And like, you know, like, you know, anybody in this situation, you know, you just met this person and you're like, they're getting weird phone calls in the middle of the night. So he explains to me. And you're not Batman. No, he's not Batman. So he explains to me the story and I kind of hand it off to you. Like, you know. No, I'd rather not. So the story goes, a friend of mine was dating a black girl. And I guess at the time thought she wasn't treating him very well and told him my opinion on breaking up. And I guess it got back to her. So she would call me, text me. She would do everything possible to harass me and call me a racist. And the funny joke was, of course, I was dating a Black woman myself, and I love her not because of the color of her skin, not because of anything, just because of her. So I was harassed for probably a good year and a half, getting text messages and videos and phone calls, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning, that I'm racist. And that I am dating a black girl and I'm racist. Why at that time she didn't know you were dating a black girl? She found out later. Maybe. Yeah. Because this was the beginning of our relationship. Yeah. And that was funny because we started dating and she started calling me a racist. So it was a running joke between me and Jeff. So I always call him a racist. Yes. Just because it's just funny. Yeah. He's not a racist, obviously. We are dating. I would say that Jeff hates everyone. He's equally prejudiced. I'm an equal hater. He's an equal racist. If we offend anybody, we're sorry. But literally, this is, we mean no harm. And we obviously love each other dearly. Yeah. Been married a couple months now, but been together for almost six years now. And, yes. Six years? 2019, sir. Jeez. I guess that just shows how good of the relationship is. It doesn't feel like six years. Yeah. But we've been through a lot together. Yeah. He was in Orland when we met, which is probably 11 minutes from my parents' house. And at that time I was living in Westchester. So I used to drive home every other weekend or every weekend. And then I would, I was able to go and see Jeff those weekends that I would go visit my parents. So I just kind of ended up working out because I got to see my parents more and then I got to see Jeff more. And it felt long distance because I lived in Rochester and he lived in Orland, which is like, sometimes it was like an hour, right? You going back. Yeah. I mean, 45 minutes, 45 minutes. Depending on how fast I drive. Yes. Very true. Disheveled. That's a story. Depending on how disheveled I was. Yeah. So, but yeah, I mean, We, it was hard at the beginning because again, you'll start to learn this. Jeff is secretive and not secretive in a bad way. It's just that he keeps to himself and we didn't really communicate a lot in the beginning and it really wasn't good for our relationship. And I was just like, well, I would see this guy maybe once a week or sometimes twice a week. And we were kind of going nowhere in our relationship. And then I ended up moving to, Chester Springs, which was even a little farther away. Because I ended up buying my own home. And then, unfortunately, Jeff was forced out of his home I don't know if you want to talk about that. No. I definitely don't. Again, see? Again, he doesn't like to share I'm like the uni bomber I just don't live in the woods and I'm not as smart as Tim. Because he didn't go to MIT yes but he was living in his home for almost 20 years, 17, 17 years. And it was bought out by another company and they said he could stay there and then come to find out they put a letter on his door and they're like, you need to move out. And, you know, he's raised his kid. You're his Kyler. And it was really hard for him, you know, probably more sentimental than I am or not sentimental, but more emotional than I am when it comes to those types of things. Um, And then, so he had to move out of his place. And then obviously we were dating, I guess, had it been a year and a half, probably? A few years. Yeah. So I was like, well, the next stage of our relationship is try to move in together. And so it was kind of out of need. And once, when we kind of end up merging, less so in Jeff's part, because he probably wasn't ready at that time. Well, what I would say is you just, we're pretty happy about that. Knowing that, you know, we could live together and start our future. And at the time, of course, I didn't know we had a future like we do. But I think you were pretty happy that, of course, I got evicted. That sounds horrible. I got that feeling. I thought you were a little happy. Happy that you had evicted? Well, that you knew that I now needed a place to stay and it's a perfect where we move in together and then really find out if, you know, we did have a future. And that seems like that's what happened. You think? Yes. But wouldn't, isn't that the truth though? No, I wasn't happy that you got evicted. No. No, but I think you were probably at least saying, hey, I want to take our relationship to the next level. And the next level is either, you know, us moving in together. So I thought you, Let me say this. Like, yes, probably it did have a... It happened. And it probably happened for a reason. Sure. Because probably if you had stayed there and I had stayed at Justice Rings, we probably would not be together. It kind of forced you to get out of your shell. And it kind of forced you to open up a little bit more to me. And then us living together... obviously forced a lot more communication and forced a lot of situations that probably wouldn't have happened because you are kind of to yourself. True. And I don't think he would have probably changed that unless I was like constantly in your face. True. So what you're saying is you did possibly enjoy the beginning of it. That still sounds bad. I think it was meant to happen. I think, you know, we can always look at it that way where we are now. And, you know, The end result is I'm happy. And I think that, you know, is a positive that came out of that situation. Yeah. I mean, we are together now. You know, we have had our rough patches. Nothing's been perfect. Yeah. I think one thing that we've learned out of it is communication. We, you know, we're pretty good about our date nights until we move to Mexico, where we go out every Friday, usually to the same place that I won't name. Yes. Even though you should name them because that was a great restaurant. It's probably because I can't pronounce it, to be honest. I'll put it in the link. You'll call it the Tinder restaurant. But yeah, I mean, that was a time where we would mainly I would try not to look at my phone because I do work 24-7, but it was a time where we didn't have the TV and it was for us to reconnect and talk to each other and talk about our relationship and move forward in our relationship. And we're continuing to do that. And this podcast is even part of that. You know, it's almost like therapy for our relationship as much as Jeff doesn't know it, but it is. Yeah. I didn't know that. That is new. It just came to me right now. So whatever works and helps us be happy together and living together, then no, I'm up for anything. So we are a bit sarcastic in our relationship and, but he makes me laugh and he makes me laugh from the bottom of my belly, which, which is why I knew he was the guy for me. And if anybody knows me, I'm pretty much the walk workaholic. Yeah. But Jeff reminds me that that's, there's more of the life than just working, which is how we ended up in Mexico because it's always been on my vision board to live somewhere warmer and, you know, remember to relax and enjoy life. And he kind of reminds me that all the time. So I'm happy to have that and have that with him here in Mexico. I'm glad I can help. So from a date that started, you know, me thinking it might be a bad idea to start a date and go on this date with this person on the two year death of my brother to now fast forward six years later to now being married. And me not actually being racist. Yes, to him not being racist. This is how we ended up. Or can you be racist and still be married to someone that's different nationality? Yeah, I think so. I mean, but you guys tell us. Leave in the comments what you guys think. But yeah, I do think that's possible. I mean, but I'm still always educating as well. I mean, being in Mexico, there is a whole culture here for a Black culture here, which was pretty interesting for me because I sometimes do feel very disconnected from my own culture. But we do have a Black Merida group where we try to engage and have events and be social. And Jeff was invited to one of those events when he came down. And I probably was a culture shock for him. You know, not only being in Mexico, but being now surrounded by a whole bunch of Black people. And he's the only white person there. So... how was that well I mean that wasn't that bad I mean I adjust pretty well I think I don't really see people in colors of their skins I kind of see people as in human beings so for me I was completely comfortable with all white people all Asian people all black people I mean it really didn't matter I just kind of adjust and everyone was great there so nothing negative to say yeah I thought it went smooth. No, it is. It has been a positive thing for me because just knowing that there is still some type of community or some outreach, you know, because culture shock and strange from your own country, having some type of connection still is important. So just glad to kind of have that outreach. We have a WhatsApp group where they're constantly talking about stuff from the States or how to move to Mexico and, how do you adjust to Mexico and, you know, how to find things in, in, you know, English, you know, going to the movies in English, you know, there's a story on that. Wow. We first saw our first movie all in Spanish. Yeah. So, you know, it's just all these things that come up and just having another group of people that you can lean on. And we'll talk about Dorian more and more in the future. And, you know, he's been great. You know, he's a door down from us. Who's been so helpful for us just adjusting to this culture and, you know, For Jeff, it's a lot because this is probably the second place you've been out of the country, right? True, yes. Well, second or... No, I mean third place. Because I made you get your passport. Yeah, you made me get my expensive passport. That's it. And rushing two days to get it. Well, yeah. Well, because... So, I'm a big traveler. I love to travel. And I think I almost... broke up our relationship. And I was like in tears because I was, he didn't want to get a passport. And I was like, you need to have a passport. We can't be together if you don't have a passport. I love to travel. It's impossible. They just won't work. Of course, I didn't not want a passport. I just wanted a passport without paying the rush fee. No, you didn't want a passport at all. Originally. This was like in the beginning. And then, so I booked a trip to Bahamas. And of course, We needed a passport. And so it was probably a month before we were applying for a passport. And because processing time can be delayed, we expedited it. And Jeff was not happy because he had to pay extra money. Again, reminding you, he is cheap. Hundreds of dollars. It was not hundreds of dollars. I actually pay for this for kids all the time. I know how much it is. It's not hundreds of dollars. It was. That's what they charged me. Anyway. So we got his passport. So he got his first passport. And, you know, we went to the Bahamas. And now we needed it, obviously, for Mexico. Well, also Jamaica. Yeah, we went to Jamaica. I forgot about that. But yeah, overall, I've only traveled within the United States. I've never lived outside of the United States. And I never really traveled outside of the United States. Like you. So, you know, that was a thing for me because I was... you know, I have been, I lived overseas. So for me, I'm just like, okay, I can adapt, but I didn't want to bring you somewhere. And then you then resented me for bringing you to this other country. And now you have to live here because we're together and you're unhappy. So that was a big fright for me. Like, you know, that was probably the biggest scare between Leo having to adjust and you having to adjust. That was my biggest thing. Like the first week we got here, I was just like, oh my gosh, we should move back. Like I was, Really? Yeah. I haven't thought of that since. Yeah. I mean, I was so scared. You know, Leo wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping. He was, he couldn't move. He wasn't doing well. Jeff had fell down the stairs. He had a tooth. We had to go to the dentist like within a week. We had some ear issues. I'm like, we haven't had these issues where we lived in the States. Like what's going on? And I was just like freaking out because I'm the only one that can get by with Spanish. And so I'm like the main point of everything. And I was like, well, what happens to me? Like, what if I fall out? You know, like, what are they going to do? And I was just like, is this the right move? So it has been scary. You know, I'm just like, you know, I've never I'm like thinking of all the contingency plans, you know, and what happens when. this happens, what happens when this happens. And that's just how my brain works. You know, I know you're kind of like day to day and I'm just like thinking about the future. Um, but you know, so it has been scary for me. Um, so it has been nerve wracking. Um, but no, it's just taking day by day and, you know, trying to figure things out. Like, is this a good idea? Um, you know, so far I've enjoyed the extra time we get to spend together, um, the weekends, the full time, um, going to the beach. I've never had this much free time to spend time with you or Leo. So I do appreciate that. And it's just learning how to adjust to that and enjoy that and really sit with that. Yeah. I mean, I had a great time here so far. I think I've adjusted pretty well. It's great that I don't know what anyone's saying. That's always a positive. But yeah, I think so far it's going now. So we'll see, month to month, how it goes. But, you know, our first month I thought was a success. So, you know, of course, minus all the things that have gone wrong. But again, you know, welcome to Mexico. You know, some things aren't going to get done like it is done in the States. And that's just something us adjusting to. And, you know, but everything... This has been going smooth so far, and I look forward to the next couple months and seeing how they go. So in the next episode, we'll talk about us buying this house and everything that went wrong with it. Yes. With purchasing a house in Mexico. But thanks for coming. Like, subscribe, and leave the comments and let us know what you thought.